Friday, October 17, 2014

My Little Brony: A Tale of Heartbreak

Yesterday, the Cluttered Family took our weekly sojourn to Target (yes, weekly. I have a problem, remember?). This was supposed to be a fairly nondescript trip to the store. My list was comprised of things like toothpaste, mac & cheese, underwear for Duckie, and a shower curtain tension rod. Super exciting.

So after picking up the items I needed, Duckie, Little Man, and I made our way to the children's section to pick out new underwear. This is a fairly novel thing for me. Little Man is small for his age and, quite frankly, has only out-grown one set of underwear since he potty trained at 2 years old. Duckie is tall for his age and insists on growing. Since his 2T-3T underwear had turned into low rise plumber pants, I figured maybe, just maaaaaaybe, it was time to get some new ones. He was super amped up about getting to pick his own underwear. This is exciting stuff when you're 3.

As we rolled down the sock & underwear aisle, Duckie yelled "MAMA! STOP!!!! I thee my unners! MY WITTLE PONY UNNERS!!! I want them!!!!"

I stopped the cart, picked up the package of My Little Pony underwear and examined them. As I quickly scanned my brain for the way to navigate this one, Duckie was proclaiming "I WUV them! I WUV My Wittle Ponies." 

Before we go any further, I want the following information noted: I'm pretty gender diverse in my parenting style, opting for mantras like "we like what we like, and that is okay," and "toys/colors are for everyone" as opposed to using the hard and fast delineation "that is for boys/that is for girls." If my boys like something, I roll with it. I'm not trying to make a political statement, I'm just trying to raise kids who feel loved, supported, and confident in their own "okayness."

My trouble with the MLP panties had nothing to do with them being "girl" underwear, but everything to do with fit. Granted, I know that at this age, boys and girls' undergarments are practically the same. I have fond memories of my then two year-old niece CJ (who is also small for her age) running around my mother-in-law's house in a pair of Little Man's hand-me-down Buzz Lightyear underwear, because they were the only underwear my sister-in-law could find that were tiny enough to fit CJ at the time.  But I also know that Duckie likes his underwear fit to be more spacious. In fact, 90% of the time, he has his underwear on backwards so as to provide ample room for his boy bits. So, after mulling it over for a few moments, I broke the news.

"I'm sorry buddy, I don't think the Pony underwear will have enough space for your penis. They are made for girl bodies, and girl and boy privacy parts are different, remember?" 

Duckie's lip turned downward the way it does when his heart is about to break. "But I wuv them."

"I know baby, but I'm afraid they'll be too tight for your penis. If you really want them, we can try,  but I don't know if they will squish your penis or not."

"WHY do they make unners that will squish my penuth? Do they have My Little Pony for boys that won't squish my penuth?" asked Duckie mournfully.

"I don't know. Let's look down here at the underwear made for boy bodies and see if they have My Little Pony underwear with room for your penis."
(I think this is the most I've ever discussed penises in the aisles of Target-- or on this blog, for that matter!).

Unsurprisingly, Target doesn't stock My Little Pony briefs. All Duckie wanted was some underwear that matched with his favorite TV show, as would be the case if his favorite show was Jake & the Neverland Pirates or anything Marvel Superhero. But, it's not. Right now he's obsessed with MLP-- especially Applejack and Rainbow Dash. This is great for me in doling out warnings and consequences ("Please do xyz or you will lose Pony privileges"), but crappy when all a little boy wants are some MLP britches. 

His little heart was broken when he learned there were no MLP underwear for him. He bore the look of devastation all throughout the underwear aisle of Target.

For me, this begs the question, why DON'T they have MLP underwear for the littlest "bronies"? (For the record, I hate the word "brony," but haven't been able to come up with a better term. Suggestions are welcome). A quick search of Amazon for "My Little Pony underwear" produces a host of underwear for little girls, but also MLP boxers for men. If the underwear powers-that-be can make MLP underwear for grown men, why not for my little guy? How difficult could that possibly be? I'm guessing there is a market for them, considering how many little "bronies" there seem to be out there.

C'mon underwear companies. Get it together for my little guy. I can only take so much weeping in Target (and I reserve that for me at check-out)

Sometimes all you need is a little love from Rainbow Dash 

(FYI-- We managed to quell the sadness and repeated asking of "why they don't have My Wittle Pony unners with room for my penuth, mama? Why?" by finding Frozen underwear that did, in fact have room for his "penuth" and then visiting the MLP aisle in the toy section.)


  1. A while back, one of my readers sent me this link to MLP underwear for boys. I think we could whip something up on my sewing machine. Maybe we could even tie dye them first.

  2. YES!!!

    Another friend suggested printable iron-ons, which is more my speed of craftiness, but I definitely think and underpants party is in our future!!

  3. I have a suggestion: buy the MLP panties and cut out the ponies and glue them on his briefs with fabric glue. I've done that with designs from one t-shirt to another, so I don't see why it wouldn't work. they can still be washed and dried with no problem. I know that doesn't solve the bigger issue, but it might solve this smaller one.

    1. That is a really smart "small" solution. I do have a sheet of heat fuse from making iron-on patches for the boys' costumes last year. I bet that would do the trick!

  4. I did the iron-ons for my son. I dyed the fabric first with RIT then ordered Iron-ons online. At the time he was into Strawberry Shortcake, Peppa Pig, and Tangled.
    We now have moved on to Frozen and he loves My Liittle Pony and the Equestria Girls! Good luck I'm sure you will come up with something great!

    1. Thanks! That is a great idea! I think I'm going to have to get really crafty with my underwear soon! :)

  5. I found these on etsy:

  6. My little boy also loves MLP and wanted MLP undies we saw at Costco this summer. We had pretty much exactly the same conversation as you! I have not thought of doing a heat transfer for plain boys undies though!

    1. I think getting crafty and creative is the way we will have to make it happen until the underwear manufacturers get on board. I actually ended up sending an email to the makers of the underwear that Target carries just to leave the suggestion of making MLP underwear for boys. No response, but at least I did it, ya know?


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