Monday, February 4, 2013

And the Prize Goes To...

On Thursday night, a package addressed to me arrived at my home.

I hadn't ordered anything recently, so I was perplexed as to what it could be. I noted the return address was "Award Claims Department," and giddily said to Diesel (in my very best dad-from-A-Christmas-Story voice) "It's a major award! Why it could be anything. It could be a bowling alley! You know a fella down in Terra Haute won a bowling alley... I sure hope it isn't fra-gee-lay," all the while wracking my brain for what contest I had entered. The only thing I had tried to win lately was a copy of Not Your Mother's Make-Ahead and Freeze Cookbook and I knew I hadn't won that give-away.

I tore into the box. There, beneath layers of bubble wrap and air-paks, lay a simple white box. I lifted it carefully from its wrapping. It was heavy. My heartbeat quickened at the thought of what untold treasure lay within. Diesel looked on expectantly. What could it be? What amazing thing had I won?

Slowly, I lifted the lid. I peeled back the gauzy foam wrapping, revealing my major award. I looked at it. Looked at Diesel and said "you have GOT to be shitting me," as I allowed one vitriolic giggle-snort to pass my lips.

"What?" he asked

I reached into the box, and heaved out a mantle clock. An art deco inspired, wooden mantle clock.   An art deco inspired, wooden mantle clock emblazoned with the logo of my former employer.

The packing slip announced that the clock was, in fact, a "DeVry Anniversary Gift."

You see, back on August 20, 2012, I celebrated my 5 year anniversary with the aforementioned company. Much back patting and "what would we do without you"-ing ensued. It was a heady day. On September 19, 2012, I was laid-off as a part of a nation-wide downsizing.

And apparently, DeVry thought NOW, months after laying me off (and just as my unemployment is about to expire), would be the appropriate time to send me a commemorative gift. Fan-frickin-tastic.

I am not trying to bash my former employer. I was laid-off. A lot of people were laid-off. It was business, it wasn't personal.

However, this was just too ridiculous to not share. They sent me a gift for 5 years of service, six months after the anniversary, and five months after laying me off. WHO DOES THAT?!?!?!

So, dear readers, what do you think I should do with the "gift"?
  • Sell it at a yard sale?
  • Send it back to the corporate office?
  • Call HR and ask why I haven't gotten a pay check in 6 months?
  • Other? (I'm open to suggestions)


  1. Whoa. A strongly written letter thanking them for being heartless?

  2. Target Practice! Boys pull out your slingshots...

  3. I would call HR and ask if it can be returned for cash value.

  4. I like the ask if it can be returned for cash value idea!

    Also, I think you should send it to the person who actually TOLD you that you were being laid off! With a nice note, of course!

  5. The funny thing is, when you get the 5 year award thing, they give you this catalog to look through and order a prize. I actually handed the whole shebang to my direct supervisor as I packed up my office. She sent it back to me via a friend, and I threw it out. I didn't want anything from them.

    But now I have a clock! :)

  6. I would write letter stating that the left hand doesn't know what the right hand in the company is doing and instead of laying of GOOD workers, they should get rid of administration because that is who is ruining their company!

  7. I'm still shocked they did this. And the timing of it is really horrible with unemployment benefits tapering off soon. :-/

    1. My vote is to send it back to HR or the department it was sent from.

  8. I wouldn't waste my time or money mailing it back. Instead I would give your oldest a screwdriver and tell him "let's figure out how this works!" Then sit and have some fun with him opening it up and trying to get it back together.


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