I saw that the years were slipping by. 'What do I want from life, anway?' I asked myself. 'Well... I want to be happy.' But I had never thought about what made me happy or how I might be happier.Hence, I am embarking on an attempt to better appreciate my life and my family and to live in such a way that brings me happiness and contentment. As Rubin says "I wasn't as happy as I could be, and my life wasnt going to change unless I made it change." So I am going to make that change and move towards a happier life!!!
I had much to be happy about. [...] But too often I sniped at my husband or the cable guy. I felt dejected after even a minor professional setback. I drifted out of touch with old friends, I lost my temper easiy, I suffered bouts of melancholy, insecurity, listessness, and free-floating guilt. [...]
I wasn't depressed and I wasn't having a midlife crisis, but I was suffering from midlife malaise-- a recurrent sense of discontent and almost a feeling of disbelief. 'Can this be me?' I'd wonder as I picked up the morning newspapers or sat down to read e-mail. [...] 'Is this really it?' I found myself wondering, and answering, 'Yep, this is it.'
But though at times I felt dissatisfied, that something was missing, I also never forgot how fortunate I was. When I woke up in the middle of the night, as I often did, I'd walk from one room to another to gaze at my sleeping husband [...] and my [son] surrounded by [his] stuffed animals, all safe. I had everything I could possibly want-- yet I was failing to appreciate it. (emphasis mine)
Thus begins my happiness project.